Funny Quotes
Check out the below collections of funny quotations. Come back soon for more funny quotes.
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More Funny Quotes
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope
The difference between man and animals is that we don't use our tongue to clean our genitals. - Rimmer - Red Dwarf
The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they're not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, 'If you'd done that in the movie, you'd have won an Oscar, girl!
- Chris Rock
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
- Douglas Adams
What do you call 500 lawyers lying on the bottom of the Ocean?
A good start...
- Danny DeVito (The War of the Roses)
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.''
-Joan Rivers
Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming!
- Ricky Gervais
I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
-Oscar Wilde
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-Mark Twain
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